I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
