just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
