from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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