some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
