Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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