Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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