I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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