the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
