Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
