1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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