How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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