i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
