i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize