i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
