this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
