Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
