i just wanna soil my oats bro
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
