i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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