If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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