I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
