i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
