you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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