Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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