textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
