Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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