Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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