I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
