pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
