what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I am one with the molecules
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
