I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
