I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
