Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sorry about my life...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
