this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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