I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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