He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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