I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
