I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
