I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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