Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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