Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
