Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
