I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
