well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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