I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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