We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize