9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
