Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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