I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
