Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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