i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just high enough for therapy.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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