her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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