Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
