You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
