her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
