His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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