Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
