After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
