u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
