It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
