Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
