I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
