Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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