his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
