you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
