I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
