my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
