Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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