He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
