no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
