Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Michael Bay diarrhea
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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