shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
