I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
