What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
