considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize