Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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