I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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