I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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