you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
