I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
