Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
