i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
