Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
