oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
