when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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