I'd wear matching sweaters with you
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
