That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize