I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
