They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
