i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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