Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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