When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
