I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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