the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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