I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
