He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
