Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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