Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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