My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
