And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
