I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
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