You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
