she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
