Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
