All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
