Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
