Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
